A Flickering Light Read online

  On the occasion of my second marriage, to a man sixteen years my senior, when some expressed that he was too old, it was my grandmother who advised me that age had nothing to do with love. “If you love each other and trust in God, you’ll do just fine,” she told me. And so Jerry and I have these thirty-two years. She was a kind and loving grandmother, and she is missed.

  I express gratitude to a number of people who made the publication of this fifteenth novel possible, including editors Erin Healy and Shannon Hill of WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group / Random House. Their insights and gentle suggestions and their love of story contributed greatly to this book. The fine editorial and production staff there, especially Laura Wright, continue to serve these stories well. To sales and marketing and publicity, distributors and retailers, and everyone in between who brings these stories into readers’ hands, I’m grateful. Thanks go to my agent, Joyce Hart of Hartline Literary Services in Pennsylvania, for sticking with me. I hope this story has the hopeful ending that, as I do, she so enjoys.

  I’m forever grateful to have shared this part of my early life with Jerry. I’d be lost without his map making. His years as a naval photographer were invaluable as I tried to understand the profession my grandmother had chosen.

  To my readers, who have willingly traveled with me through the Pacific Northwest for years, some to Florida too, I thank you for journeying to the heartland of America and to the roots of who I am.

  I’ve been writing this story forever and began by thinking it had contemporary application for women today, who work shoulder to shoulder with men, who have seen relationships fracture without necessarily being restored. I find relevance in exploring how the men and women who get caught up in poor choices make meaningful lives of the consequences. But as the story unfolded, I was led to also explore why a woman with such gifts and talents would make decisions that seemed to undermine her desires. The Norse word from which we receive to read means “to unveil a mystery.” I hope I’ve unveiled a bit of Jessie’s mystery (and my own) by showing a route Jessie took as she spiraled into sorrow. I hope I’ve suggested ways in which many of us who make such choices can begin to tell ourselves the truth. Most of all, I wanted to give readers a woman who was human, who made mistakes, and who found her way to grace.

  Jane Kirkpatrick

  Reader groups may request a phone visit with Jane through her Web site, www.jkbooks.com, or by contacting her at 99997 Starvation Lane, Moro, OR 97039.

  DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

  At prearranged times, the author makes herself available by speakerphone to answer questions and participate in book group gatherings. She’s done this from the Netherlands to Nebraska, from Florida to the Pacific Northwest. Arrangements can be made through her Web site at www.jkbooks.com. The use of this guide is not a prerequisite for such phone gatherings.

  In the author’s own notes prior to writing this story, she described her attitude toward A Flickering Light this way: “This is a story about integrity, wholeness, the blend of soul and role in order to fulfill God’s promise in our lives.” Did she accomplish that goal? Why or why not?

  What did Jessie Ann Gaebele think she wanted? What got in her way of achieving that? Or did she achieve her goal? What role did her being a woman in a man’s profession play in the arc of her story?

  What does Emily Dickinson’s poetic line “Tell all the Truth but tell it slant” have to say about this novel? How do the lines “The Truth must dazzle gradually / Or every man be blind—” apply?

  How did a sense of unworthiness affect Jessie’s decision making? What role did grief play? How did her sense of self affect the outcome of this story?

  Who in this story deceived themselves the most: FJ? Mrs. Bauer? Jessie? What truths did they have to tell themselves in order to change the paths they were on? Did they? Why or why not?

  Do you know gifted people who appear to sabotage or squander their talents? What kinds of actions by others can bring them back, or must one make such a journey alone?

  Have you ever acted in ways that were contrary to your own self-interest? What might have motivated you? What lessons did you learn from that experience?

  People engaged in clandestine activities often justify their thinking. A common thread of thought is, No one else is being injured by my actions. In this story, who was adversely affected? Is there anything these people could have done to change their own destinies?

  How can we offer compassion to people we love who make poor choices, without preventing them from discovering their own truths? Has there been a time in your life when someone spoke the truth with less dazzle so you could see it?

  What role did artistry play in the lives of these characters? For whom did a particular art form (such as music, textile creation, and photography) provide direction? How?

  What do you think of the definitions of faith, hope, and love offered by Edward Everett Hale at the beginning of this novel? Did the characters portrayed act in ways that demonstrated those “three eternities”?

  While most of the story was told in third person, through the eyes of Jessie, FJ, and Mrs. Bauer, what role did the first-person accounts and photographs play in your experience of this story? Did their presence distract, or did you look forward to what the next photograph would reveal about Jessie’s life?

  A Flickering Light is based on the story of the author’s own grandmother. Does that knowledge in any way shape your reading of the book differently than a novel that is formed of fully imagined characters? Were you aware of this prior to reading A Flickering Light? Does the timing of that awareness change your perspective on this story?

  Books by Jane Kirkpatrick

  NOVELS

  Change and Cherish Historical Series

  A Clearing in the Wild

  A Tendering in the Storm

  A Mending at the Edge

  A Land of Sheltered Promise

  Tender Ties Historical Series

  A Name of Her Own

  Every Fixed Star

  Hold Tight the Thread

  Kinship and Courage Historical Series

  All Together in One Place

  No Eye Can See

  What Once We Loved

  Dreamcatcher Collection

  A Sweetness to the Soul

  (winner of the Western Heritage Wrangler Award for

  Outstanding Western Novel and Literary Oregon 100, Best Books

  about Oregon published in the past two hundred years)

  Love to Water My Soul

  A Gathering of Finches

  Mystic Sweet Communion

  NONFICTION

  Aurora: An American Experience in Quilt and Craft

  Homestead: A Memoir of Modern Pioneers Pursuing the

  Edge of Possibility

  A Simple Gift of Comfort (formerly A Burden Shared)

  A FLICKERING LIGHT

  PUBLISHED BY WATERBROOK PRESS

  12265 Oracle Boulevard, Suite 200

  Colorado Springs, Colorado 80921

  Scripture quotations or paraphrases are taken from the following versions: King James Version and the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

  This book is a work of historical fiction based closely on real people and real events. Details that cannot be historically verified are purely products of the authors imagination.

  Copyright © 2009 by Jane Kirkpatrick

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

  Published in the United States by WaterBrook Multnomah, an imprint of The Doubleday Publishing Group, a division of Random House Inc., New York.

  WATERBROOK and its deer colophon are registered trademarks of Random

 
; House Inc.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Kirkpatrick, Jane, 1946–

  A flickering light / Jane Kirkpatrick.

  p. cm. — (Portrait of a woman series)

  eISBN: 978-0-307-45929-9

  1. Women photographers—Fiction. I. Title.

  PS3561.I712F55 2009

  813′.54—dc22

  2008047066

  v3.0

  Table of Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Cast of Characters

  Part 1 - Subjects

  Chapter 1 - Doing the Right Thing

  Chapter 2 - A Hesitating Heart

  Chapter 3 - Expectations

  Chapter 4 - Candlelight Eyes

  Chapter 5 - Seeking Safety

  Chapter 6 - Doors of Opportunity

  Chapter 7 - Reflected Light

  Chapter 8 - The Eye Behind the Camera

  Part 2 - The Pose

  Chapter 9 - Adapting

  Chapter 10 - Retouching

  Chapter 11 - The Fruit of the River

  Part 3 - Exposure

  Chapter 12 - Double Exposure

  Part 4 - Setting

  Chapter 13 - Making Amends

  Chapter 14 - Roy’s Ride

  Chapter 15 - Balance

  Chapter 16 - Affectionately

  Chapter 17 - Playing Fields of Degradation

  Chapter 18 - The Long Good-Bye

  Chapter 19 - Too Much Exposure

  Chapter 20 - Lessons of a Night Sky

  Chapter 21 - Too Much Exposure

  Chapter 22 - For a Reason

  Chapter 23 - Lakeshore Lighting

  Timing and Lighting

  Author’s Notes and Acknowledgments

  Discussion Questions

  Other Books By This Author

  Copyright